It was all very logical really - for many months my own life was largely taken over by caring for my elderly parents. And I didn't mind, but my own needs slid well down the list of priorities and it eventually took it's toll.
There were many aspects to this. Food was a big one. I was having to stay away from home a lot, so I no longer had such tight control of what went on my plate. There were lots of cafe stops while visiting dad in hospital, and eating on the run. I thought I was making the best choices I could, but the menus weren't always geared to healthy choices.
The mental strain was also exhausting. So even when I had the time and means to choose well, I didn't always have the energy or resolve.
While dad was in hospital, and fighting so hard to stay with us, nothing actually felt too difficult. I surprised myself with how well I coped with the grueling schedule and emotional roller coaster. I was grateful for the skills I had acquired, that served me so well, and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.
But when dad passed away, it was a big game changer, and suddenly everything felt too hard. I held it together long enough to honour him with a fitting farewell, but after the funeral I felt completely adrift. I was unable to tackle my every day tasks - in fact, I didn't even want to!
I knew what I needed in order to get back on track - meditation, walks on the beach and clean eating. But I know that grieving doesn't wait for anyone, so I have tried to just allow it to unfold. It's only been 6 weeks after all.
However I have been beating myself up about what wasn't getting done. And of course that was making me feel worse! So I have let all of that go now, and started to be more kind to myself. And with the support of wonderful family and friends, I am gradually regaining the strength to embrace again the life that I want for myself.
Having recently witnessed a lot of hospital procedures and medical interventions, has made me even more determined to spread the word about taking responsibility for our own health, and getting back to basics. And today feels like a new start for me :)
I have been out for an early walk, and started the day with a delicious green juice. I need to restock the fridge but this one is just what I had - spinach, parsley and mint from our garden, with an apple, cucumber and small piece of young ginger. I was craving a juice and it really hit the spot.
I have also been aware how caffeinated tea has crept right back into my repertoire. Often this was all that was available during our long stints at the hospital, but now I intend to get back to mostly herbal teas, which luckily, I do enjoy . . .
Fortunately, I have kept up my nutritional supplements, so I have been able to remain well, but I have certainly lost my equilibrium. So now I will endeavor to put all of the pieces back together. I will carry raw nuts and vegetable sticks with me everywhere, so that I am not tempted by gluten or sugar filled snacks. And I will continue to drink adequate clean (spring) water every day, between meals. I will nourish my body and soul with what I know that I need, and not what my head may be telling me is an 'easier' option. It is of course not worth it, if it makes you feel poorly.
